My tongue is numb.
Again?
Again.
I’ve had a lot of thoughts about things.
My emotions are up, some days, in only good ways. Heart open and feeling ways. Genuinely empathetic ways.
I’m finding compassion for people I’d once labelled as enemies. Seeing more of their own humanity as I crack open parts of myself that I’d refused to see.
“Oh…” is a frequent verbal visitor these days.
Two years ago I was saying my eyes are open, now I see. They may have been open but it was because I was still blind as a goddamned bat with a broken sonar system.
I have seen less than a dozen bees this summer. Now I’m feeling concerned. I had to pollinate my own melon vines because the pollinators have gone missing.
And then the ground squirrels at the roots out anyways, and now my self-pollinated fruits are dying on the vine. Sometimes you can’t avoid the crash, or stop the movie from coming to it’s natural end.
The ending has a purpose.
I made my own electrolytes today, and they’re freaking delicious. It’s a citric acid-free Ultima dupe.
Whatever character we’ve decided to play, we’re always casting supporting roles to keep us in the play. If you’ve decided you’re the victim who people abandon, you’ll force your cast and crew to victimize and abandon you.
I’m painting and drawing. Creating and creating and creating. I stopped making excuses for staying up late, and ended up with insomnia anyways. You can’t always avoid the crash, there must be a reason I’m supposed to stay up too long each night right now. Things always change when they need to.
I’ve stopped fighting the little things. Worrying about what this or that might mean. I sit and watch the wind blow around my favorite tree’s leave. It’s an elegant dancer, like me.
Finally organized my kitchen. Just need a few tambour doors.
I wonder if I need to raise my own bees.
Hi Fred!