“Do you remember who you used to be?”
Used to be? Oh, you mean, before I got sick?
“Yes, do you remember?” my neighbor once asked me.
And I do, vividly. Today, I remembered a little more. I didn’t sleep until 3am, woke up “late” at 8:30. Felt a bit dehydrated, but otherwise in good order. Packed it up and took my ass to the gym, just like the old me would have done.
I walked in and just worked on the heavy bags, intuitively. Old muscle memory. Instinct. I need to bring my gloves and speed rope out of storage. Glad I didn’t throw them away thinking, “that’ll never be me again.”
That’ll never be me again.
I’m chasing some old versions of me, but not all of the old versions. There are other systems I’ve upgraded along the way.
Yesterday was Millie’s first birthday. We stayed up and binged a whole series on the outside projector screen. I haven’t looked forward to a movie night since the time I was 21 living in my first apartment on Blueberry Lane. I had a tiny 19” screen tv. Netflix DVD delivery service was just barely a thing.
My girlfriend and I would plot how to maximize the 3-DVD allotment to limit how many work-nights we’d have to come up with alternative entertainment.
That’s the only time in my life I loved to cook.
We won’t stay up until the butt-crack of dawn tonight. Back to some semblance of “normal” life when Monday rolls in to say hi.
The last month I’ve been kind of fucking off. Testing the limits of whether I really cured MCAS overnight. Staying up late, spending as much time in the sun and heat, eating crazy high histamine foods and a bunch of other “no-no” foods. Went cold turkey off all supplements and medications. I woke up this morning looking younger than I ever remember, not even the slightest hint of swollen eyes or rashiness.
The waters are tested, so now it’s time to get back on some goals. I made a little web app this weekend, Erica Eats, which plots my general nutrition goals each day of the week. I’m not swinging the door back shut, but my body also isn’t a dumpster and filling it with the most nutritionally dense foods is going to pay off in long-term dividends. Take the constant brain-think out of rotating my meats.
Finally stopped procrastinating and professionally framed 5 pieces from my Anatomies of a Lie collection.
I don’t always know what I’m doing, but this approach felt right — using a National Geographic repurposed for the job.
Okay, that’s all. Night night.
🤫 somebody with 2 short braincells will mistake the name for meaning Neo Nazi 😱😂😂